LA GRANDE – The 57-year-old psychiatrist who authorities say gunned down 7 cows this past week is a jealous Bovosexual with anger issues according to one of the victim’s family members, Bessie Heifer.
According to media reports, Joel Rice, an addiction psychiatrist practicing in La Grande, Oregon, reportedly shot and killed 6 cows and wounded 1 with a rifle on August 29 because they were standing in his driveway and wouldn’t move.
Bessie Heifer, sister of the wounded victim, claims Rice went into a jealous rage when he came home and saw a bull talking to Rice’s Bovosexual lover, Flossy Goodcream.
Rice has allegedly been involved in an abusive Bovosexual relationship with Ms. Goodcream since she was less than a year old, according to Bessie.
“That so-called “mental health professional” is nothing more than a lactose intolerant, cow-beating Bovo” said Bessie as she looked up from chewing cud.” “He belongs in the funny farm.” “He can’t even drink milk for god sakes!”
“My sister Flossie was just having an innocent conversation with the bull about grass varieties when Rice came home, jumped out of his BMW with a rifle and starting shooting. Talk about a moo-d disorder,” Heifer bellowed.
“He’s gone into these rages before. Every time he sees her in the company of other cows he gets mad and spends the next week beating her mercilessly. I can’t tell you how many times she’s come out of the pasture with black eyes. I’m just grateful she’s still alive. Maybe the authorities will put him away for good this time.”DISCLAIMER: This blog is fictional parody written by a real estate nut who makes things up and writes them down. Don't believe a word she says.