LaGrande, Oregon – In a bizarre twist of fate, the bovosexual psychiatrist who gunned down 7 cows last August because they were standing in his driveway and wouldn’t move, was found yesterday by a UPS driver buried alive in cow manure.
Just hours after criminal mischief charges were dropped against him by Judge Lung S. Hung, psychiatrist Joel Rice was found buried alive and barely breathing inside his Mercedes-Benz SL65 convertible roadster under four tons of fresh manure.
According to the UPS driver who found him, “When I pulled into the driveway I seen this huge mound of cow shit where Doc usually parks his roadster. I’m like, what the f_ _ _?”
“The shit stink was so bad I almost puked up my Duncan Donuts on the driveway. Then I hear this noise, like a car horn inside the shit pile. Beep beep beep.” I had this weird feeling come over me like Doc was in there.”
“I’m like, dude, you in there?” Then I went to the front door and rang the doorbell, gagging from the stench. When I got no answer I knew he was buried in cow shit so I called 911. And you probably ain’t gonna believe this, but I swear I heard cows laughing nearby.”
“I’ve been delivering bovine porn to Doc for five years now and ain’t never had to leave a package on the porch. He always comes to the door for his deliveries. He’s like a kid on Christmas morning every time he gets a new batch”
After hours of digging, authorities discovered the lifeless psychiatrist inside his convertible Mercedez-Benz completely buried in manure, but still breathing.
Rice was rushed to nearby Grande Ronde Hospital where he is the only psychiatrist with admitting privileges. He is now recuperating and a hospital source said he is ‘coming back to life’ but keeps asking about a UPS delivery he was supposed to have received the day of the incident.
Authorities are investigating the cause of the manure dump. They believe it may be an act of retribution tied into the cow killing and criminal mischief charges being dropped.
This story is based on a true story involving a psychiatrist who gunned down 7 cows. See La Grande Doctor Arrested in Connection to Aug 15 Glass Hill Cattle Killing
Also see earlier Psych-Times parody Neighbor claims Cow Killing Psychiatrist is a BovosexualDISCLAIMER: This blog is fictional parody written by a real estate nut who makes things up and writes them down. Don't believe a word she says.