Area Psychiatrist Realizes His Profession is Full of Shit

by Laraine Shape · 26 comments

Amberly Village, Ohio -  A Cincinnati area psychiatrist with recurring bouts of eczema, Dr. Jacob L. Fluckstein, doesn’t know what he’s going to do now that he knows his profession is full of shit.

“Maybe I’ll open a Kettle Korn stand at the flea market or something.  I don’t know.  All I know is that it’s very disappointing to learn that my chosen profession is full of shit. My devoted  parents spent a lot of money sending me to medical school to become a psychiatrist and now I find out the whole profession is full of shit,” said Fluckstein.

“It’s just devastating.  All that study for naught. What is my book club going to think of me now?”

“The word PSYCHIATRY clearly contains the letters S-H-I-T in proper sequence. You don’t have to say it backwards or anything.  It’s right there.  And to make matters worse, the words psychiatry, psychiatric, and psychiatrist all contain the word SHIT, plain as day. You can’t get away from it, no matter what you do”

“How many other professions do you know of that are full of shit? Personally, I don’t know of any. Lawyer? Realtor? Astronaut? Navy Recruiter? Purchasing Agent? Waitress? Shoe Salesman? Pilot? Douche Bag Tester? Even toilet salesman is missing the critical H.”

Dr. Fluckstein is one of the many members of the psychiatric profession who learned last week that they’re full of shit.  The discovery came at a recent Brain Awareness conference in Orlando, Florida sponsored by the American Psychiatric Association and attended by psychiatrists, psycho surgeons and pharmaceutical reps from around the nation.

An unidentified conference center staff member instructed the sign company to use red letters in place of black on the S, the H, the I and the T when preparing the giant “Welcome Psychiatrists for Brains!” banners that were hung throughout the interior and exterior of the conference center and seen by thousands of passersby and attendees.

“It’s one thing to be a totally repulsive, booger eating dweeb with bad oral hygiene and psoriasis, but full of shit?  It’s an onus I just can’t bear.”

“I just hope I’m not allergic to Kettle Korn or get an STD from the flea market rest room.  You never know who’s going in there.”

Chimp TypingDISCLAIMER: This blog is fictional parody written by a real estate nut who makes things up and writes them down. Don't believe a word she says.

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Erick January 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Thanks for my new favorite bit of morning humor! You are fabulous! Sometimes there is just nothing to be said with truth that can make it any more humorous… and then you do. Cheers! And thanks for fighting the good fight!

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Laraine Shape January 30, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Erick – thanks for enjoying it!

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Leonard Henderson January 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

As somebody commented once- “Therapist with a space in it is The rapist”.

The truth is, there’s 2 basic conditions of sanity- crazy and NOT crazy.

What we see the most is mental illness clinicians doing Alinsky character assassinations on the patient.

http://familyrights.us/images/psychs_shred_rights.jpg

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Laraine Shape January 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Couldn’t agree with you more. Thanks for stopping by!

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Laraine Shape January 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

PS – Ha! I love that cartoon

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Sharon Hillestad January 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Yep, that’s right. Suspected that in 1965 when Wisconsin psychs gave my father a dozen or so shock treatments because he was depressed. It sure didn’t make him feel any better. He took his own life after that. Not very funny at the time, but absolutely hysterical when one thinks that subjecting someone to the pain and humiliation of shock treatments is a treatment for feeling bad. Ha Ha Ha

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Laraine Shape January 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I think the only thing worse than shock treatment is brain surgery. My paternal grandfather was given shock treatment at the Toledo State Hospital (Ohio) in the 1950′s following the death of my grandmother…back before they used anesthesia to make things more comfortable for the psychs and their attendants (didn’t have to watch all the inconvenient convulsions). He was in his late 70′s…oldest patient at that time to have survived it. Yeah…it’s a real hoot. We often wonder how Nazi Germany happened. Someday we’ll look back on psychiatry in the same way.

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ugo ferrando January 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

F A V O L O S A

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Laraine Shape January 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm

My new favorite word! F A V O L O S A
Thank you Ugo

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Else-Marie Ditlevsen January 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

When you put it THAT way, it is easy to reject the shit. PUNs are FUN! Thanks!

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Else-Marie Ditlevsen January 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Let’s PUN the SHIT out of these guys!

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Laraine Shape January 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Ha! I’m in!

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Cassandra January 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I think it’s even better that this banner states they have SHIT FOR BRAINS!!!

Just a few more red letters, and it would be perfectly clear to everyone!!

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Chris Ellis January 31, 2012 at 1:24 am

OMG! So funny! That photo is perfect and the whole article just cracked me up!
Thanks!
XO Chris

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Laraine Shape January 31, 2012 at 10:25 am

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it, Chris :-)

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Linda Turner January 31, 2012 at 2:01 am

Thanks for making me laugh. It really helps when researching all of this unspeakable evil. We need to start prosecuting. Today, the Texas crowd, and maybe someday, Lily, Benbow, and Bush. Please help bring awareness to this petition from 1 boring old man. Thank you.

To the Attorney General of Texas demanding a criminal investigation of J&J Janssen marketing practices of antipsychotic Risperdal
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/to-the-attorney-general-of-texas-demanding-a/
The Petition
As a result of the state of Texas vs Janssen settlement of $158 million dollars; to seek and find justice for those who have been harmed by the illegal marketing of the antipsychotic Risperdal; for criminal investigation of J&J Janssen on behalf of those who used the drug as a result of deceptive marketing practices; for admission of guilt by J&J Janssen, this petition is signed by those supporting and seeking truth, and justice, and criminal charges placed to parties responsible for withholding information, hiding data and purposely deceiving the public, including Medicaid patients and providers. The public who have been deceived by J&J Janssen and the children who have been harmed by taking Risperdal due to illegal marketing practices deserve to see a criminal investigation.
Sign petition
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/to-the-attorney-general-of-texas-demanding-a/

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spike January 31, 2012 at 4:42 am

Great article. But the humor masks how many people are being murdered in their death camps. That’s right. Death camps. More people die at their hands every year than the soldiers who died in the whole Vietnam conflict. They cause a lot of suffering and deaths, and, more than laugh at them, they need to be prosecuted for murder and jailed. Oh, and throw away the keys.
Spike

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Laraine Shape January 31, 2012 at 10:29 am

Spike – You’re absolutely right. Unfortunately, most people can’t confront or face that truth but they can face humor. Hopefully it will help wake some people up to what you’re saying…people that may not otherwise have been paying attention.

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Mark Eagles February 1, 2012 at 9:58 am

Love this article, fresh and humorous!

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Laraine Shape February 1, 2012 at 10:29 am

Thank you, Mark! Wait a minute…did you just call me fresh? :-)

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Pete Kinne February 1, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Doc,
Just took my first dose of Psych-Times.com and I feel better already.
Thanks for the grins!

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Laraine Shape February 1, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Pete – bless your heart…you’re welcome

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KS February 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Please stop. Can’t stop LOLing. Stomach hurts!! :)

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Laraine Shape February 3, 2012 at 9:34 pm

KS – Now you’re making me laugh!

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markps2 February 9, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Thanks for this joke. I will use the PSYCHIATRY Psychiatry joke in a copy and paste html from now on.

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Laraine Shape February 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

YAY! Spread the word! I’m thinking T-shirts or coffee cups….whaddya think?

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